I’m thinking of talking to my pastor, good friends and family about my struggles. I’m thinking of, at the very least, telling them I struggle with same sex attraction. I might tell some of them that I have a bad sexual past. 

The reasoning behind this is complex, however, in a nutshell:
-I believe that the church has an attitude of silence towards personal issues, especially if they’re sexual. I want to break this. I have seen how much damage struggling in silence did for me and I wouldn’t want others to go through it.
-I don’t think I glorify God in not letting people know what he has saved me from. Sure he saved me from sin, but does that glorify him as much as an openness about my past would?
-Homosexuality (and sexuality in general) needs to be deconstructed in the body, and this is one step towards it.
-Accountability.
-Scriptural reasoning - e.g. James 5: 16 “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Matthew 3:6, “Confessing their sins, they were baptized by him in the Jordan River.” Acts 19:18, “Many of those who believed now came and openly confessed their evil deeds.”

I don’t think that it’s necessarily compulsary, but do you think it’s probably necessary? Has anyone been quite open with their own leaders in the church, and friends?

If I post anything under the tag ‘Christian’, I always get a bunch of new followers. All of whom seem to fill their pages with ‘inspirational’ Christian pictures and stuff. Ha.

How this addiction damages your mind—and how to rewire it.

If some malevolent being held a competition to create the perfect delivery mechanism to enslave our human desire, Internet pornography would win the grand prize. Online pornography is fundamentally different from the Playboy or Penthouse of past generations. If the magazines, videos and DVDs of the past were like the Wright Brothers’ plane at Kitty Hawk, then Internet porn would be a supersonic jet.

Although supersonic jets are impressive for military use or high-speed travel, you wouldn’t want one landing in your backyard. But this is the impact Internet porn makes on the brain. Its sheer power and intensity create a heightened level of stimulation that your brain was never intended to experience. Because of this, the brain of a person regularly using porn can change and shape itself to resemble neuropathways similar to those of an alcoholic or drug addict.

Without understanding porn’s impact on the brain, too many people either quit trying to change or carry unnecessary guilt and shame when their spiritual zeal and will power aren’t enough. Can you relate? Here’s what you need to do to combat porn’s powerful hold on your mind.

First, know the basics

If you remember anything about the brain as it relates to porn, remember the chemical neurotransmitter dopamine. Known as the “gotta have it” molecule, dopamine has been described by one brain expert as the gas that fuels our desire engine. This neurotransmitter involves anticipation and expectation.

When we imagine eating at a favorite restaurant, shopping for a new gadget or having sex, the brain releases dopamine and our senses call out, Gimme, gimme, gimme! The more intense the experience, the more dopamine is released in the brain. Without this neurotransmitter, we would stay in bed all day with no motivation to eat or pursue meaningful goals, relationships, or sexual pleasure. Dopamine is the neurotransmitter behind all motivation in life.

How porn rewires your brain

Every thought, feeling, habit, skill, or behavior in your life has a corresponding neuropathway that fires in your brain. These pathways are designed to function optimally. However, as the brain’s reward circuitry gets entangled in a tug of war, the brain rewires itself for addiction and new neuropathways are created.

Every time a person views porn, or eventually even thinks about porn, the burst of dopamine strengthens the connections between cells. The stronger the connection, the easier it becomes for cells to communicate on that path. This idea of the brain changing itself is called neuroplasticity. Whether learning to ski, learning to speak a foreign language, or looking at porn, the more we use a particular neuropathway, the more our brain changes, making the pathway stronger.

These neuropathways are like footpaths across a field of waist-high grass. Walking across the field when the grass is so high requires significant effort. But each time you walk along the path, it gets easier. The grass gets trampled, worn down, and eventually becomes a dirt path.

Someone who doesn’t watch porn, or is not yet addicted, has yet to develop sensitized “weed-whacked” pathways. But the porn neuropathways of someone whose brain is addicted are weed-whacked and trampled down so that they have become the path of least resistance. Porn becomes the path of least resistance in the brain. And the easier the path, the more likely we are to take it, even when we don’t want to. The creation of this path of least resistance is called sensitization.

You can reboot your brain

The good news is, your brain can be changed in a positive and healthy direction. Our brains can be rewired from their addictive patterns. Just as you can reboot your computer and reset the hard drive, you can reboot your brain and restore the sensitivity of your brain circuits. On a computer, it’s as simple as pressing the power button or clicking a pull-down menu to restart. However, rebooting your brain may be the most difficult thing you’ve ever done.

How do you do it? Here are three ways to give your porn-saturated brain a reboot.

1. Practice intentional thinking. What you think about is ultimately what you become. What we once called “the power of positive thinking” is increasingly backed by scientific evidence. The more attention your brain pays to given input, the stronger and more elaborately it will be wired and retained in the brain. When we give our attention and focus to good things, like peace, joy, and self-control, our brains rewire themselves in a way that allows us to experience those good things. Wouldn’t it make sense, then, to be intentional about what we give ourselves to?

2. Pursue alternate passions. The famous philosopher, novelist, and poet Johann Wolfgang von Goethe was right when he said we are shaped and fashioned by what we love. Certainly this applies to our brains. The life focus of a person struggling with porn leads to tunnel vision. When people view porn on a regular basis, their passions are held captive, and they forfeit the ability to direct their life in the way they would otherwise choose. Pursuing alternative passions expands your horizons and rewires your brain at the same time.

3. Employ the power of repetition. Studies show that repeated behaviors, over time, cause structural changes in the brain. These changes can be negative, causing compulsion and addiction. Or they can be positive, rewiring the brain so the stimuli of porn and lust are no longer a reflexive reaction. Repetition helps lock behaviors in the brain in the same way an athlete develops muscle memory. Be encouraged. Your struggle with porn is a learned response, in many ways, just like the athlete. Your brain can unlearn, and it can change.

(via organicsomethings)

nategiven:

Do All Evangelical Leaders Believe Gays Should Be Put to Death?

thepoliticalfreakshow:

If the answer to that question is no, then they’d better start speaking up loudly and clearly. Because over the past few weeks, evangelical pastors have made headlines urging parents…

Ermahgerd! Missy Higgins new album is out! I’ve waited so long. 

These men are springs without water and mists driven by a storm. Blackest darkness is reserved for them. For they mouth empty, boastful words and, by appealing to the lustful desires of the sinful human nature, they entice people who are just escaping from those who live in error. They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity - for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him. 

_________________

I won’t stand and agree with homosexuality as something good and ordained for Christ’s followers. I won’t be another voice that encourages an individual to be mastered by their sexuality - gay, straight or bisexual. 

I will stand and love those who do so. I will stand and love homosexuals. I will show the grace that God showed me. 

But I don’t dare stand against the word of God and enslave people to mastery after they have just escaped. 

Lesbian No Longer (by annie1980)

A surprisingly good movie!

It is no longer I who live…

The following is my testimony of the work of Jesus Christ in my life. Most of this was written in an email, explaining to an old friend what had happened to me, and some of it was added when I posted it to my MySpace profile. The purpose of this is to warn those who are leading similar lifestyles and to give them the hope that change is possible in Christ. 

God tells us in the Bible that homosexuality is a sin, just like lying, stealing, and idol worship are sins. The question is do you really believe that God freely gives us the power to change?

I do, because God transformed me. Below is my story. Please, if you read this, read the entire message to the end.

I went to college at UCR between 2001 and 2003. My favorite place in the world to hang out was the LGBTIA (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Intersex Association) Center in the quad. I regularly volunteered to sit on panels in various large classes, answering peoples’ questions and attempting to increase public acceptance of homosexuality. My proudest memories were of marching in a gay pride parade. I was an ‘avid’ pot user. My partner (I’ll call her Kay) and I eagerly yearned for the day when same-sex marriage would be legalized. I felt I was changing the world, and I had everything that I wanted. 

Fast forward to the summer of 2006; Kay and I had overcome a long period of hardship in our relationship, and things were getting better again. Kay was embracing a new identity as a male through hormones and surgery, and I was elated, supportive, falling in love again. I had found a tiny budding church that was openly welcoming of all sexualities, and was excited to be a part of its growth. Then by January I had completely separated myself from everything I knew. All my friends, my church, Kay… I left suddenly and without looking back. What happened, you ask?

I wrote a letter to a friend to explain: “I love you. And for a long time I have wanted to tell you why I left everyone so suddenly and without a word. I hope that your heart was not hurt by it. And it’s so important to me that you really understand that I did not leave because of Kay’s transition. Nor did I leave because he was flirting, or anything like that. I want you to remember back… do you recall how I spoke about Kay’s transition? Do you remember how excited I was about it, do you remember my sincerity, and my commitment? And the difficulties that we had were no reason to permanently end a five-year relationship, a lifetime relationship. You know me, my penchant for loyalty at all costs; I was willing to wait years if need be, for our relationship to be on the right track again. And yet, I called Kay from my work and said that I would never be coming back home again.

But first, let me rewind. I want you to get the full story before I explain that part. I was saved January 23, 2004. Kay held my hand as I prayed to Jesus. I told Jesus that I knew that I had a stony heart, and that I knew this was what was keeping me from loving Him the way that I should. I told Jesus that I wanted my life to belong to Him, and I wanted to be with Him and follow Him forever. I also acknowledged that this meant I was seceding all of my rights over my person and my life to His will, to let Him change me in any way He so wished for His glory forever. I was changed. Immediately I started reading my Bible every day, and I loved every word. Everything was new, and God’s Word spoke to me in a living way, just like it said in the Bible that it would. 

I knew that God’s word could be trusted (after all, it says in the first chapter of John Jesus is the Word of God, and this One had saved my life) and now after a week I had to know what God said about my relationship with Kay. I cannot express to you the urgency and the seriousness of this search. With childlike faith, I understood that God’s Word agrees with His Will, and to follow Jesus and be with Him in the kingdom, I must also live by His Word (“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.” John 10:27 “He who has my commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me.” John 14:21). 
I went to the library. I got out Bibles, various translations, concordances, dictionaries in Greek and Hebrew, commentaries, and spent my day endeavoring to understand exactly what those ancient texts said. I wanted so badly to find something that condoned our intimacy, but there was nothing. In fact, the original understandings of the words concerning homosexuality and sex outside of marriage were far more specific and devastating than I had anticipated. All of the commentaries  and all of the verses agreed together “that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Galatians 5:21. But I could not believe it, I would not believe it, I refused to believe it. Now, at that time I was a fan of Dr. Gene Scott, a Bible teacher on television that Kay had grown up listening to. I figured that if anybody would find me a way out of this through some deeper interpretation, it would be him, I trusted his interpretations and I felt that no one could uncover the true meaning of a text like him. (This was the man that convinced me that the Bible is the Word of God.) I went into the online archives, to hear his teaching on Romans one. And you know what he said? “The text is quite clear,” he said, same-sex relationships are a deadly sin, and that no one who does these things will enter the kingdom of God. “… God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lust of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. For this reason, God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for that which is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves that the penalty of their error which was due.” Romans 1: 24 — 27. 

At that moment, I was stabbed to the heart and I knew, I understood, in every part of my being that this was unquestionably true and that I was living in sin and was condemned. I really experienced what it says in Hebrews: “Let us therefore be diligent to enter that rest, lest anyone fall according to the same example of disobedience. For the Word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from his sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.” 
The Word of God had pierced me, and I wept and mourned for my lost relationship. Kay came home, I told her, she said this had been on her mind for some time now, and revealed to me that she had made a commitment to Christ a month ago (which explained her unusual behavior), and she said she knew that somehow we would get through it. But the following days were the hardest that I have ever been through with another person because I did not want to leave, I would not concede to the end of the relationship and neither would Kay. We fought, pleaded, screamed, wept, rationalized, and despaired. 

For the next two years I became totally double minded, and switched back and forth between searing conviction against being with Kay, and decided cause to live out life with her as I had always planned. Fun times together were always cut to pieces by my mounting anxiety and depression over the matter, which I would lie about and would haunt me until I would confess it to Kay and we would have the same exact fight over and over again. Every time, Kay would convince me to stay. Meanwhile I watched Kay’s faith wilt and fall away till she would hardly even pray or go to church anymore. 

I don’t know if I ever told you what was causing that severe anxiety that I had for three years. Actually, I don’t think I really admitted to anyone why I was having panic attacks all the time. When I told you that they were caused by me quitting marijuana, I was lying. They didn’t start for more than six months after I quit anyway. They started the moment I heard Pastor Scott quote Romans 1. Thereafter, every time I thought about God, or about Kay, I would have a panic attack. 

I never went to anybody in the church over this. I never listened to what I heard pastors on the radio say, or Christian speakers on television. I filled entire journals with long pleadings to God to let me keep Kay. I filled pages with why I should stay. I had uncanny dreams that convinced me to stay. I collected verses that I could use to convince myself to stay. I talked to psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists at length, who convinced me to stay. I spoke to my boss at work, who convinced me to stay. I confided in my mom, who convinced me to stay, and there were many others, who convinced me that everything was all right. And yet, the pain never stopped. The panic attacks kept happening.

The panic attacks were my conscience and the Holy Spirit, telling me that I was willfully sinning against the Lord. “For Your arrows pierce me deeply, and Your hand presses me down. There is no soundness in my flesh because of Your anger, nor any health in my bones because of my sin.” Psalm 38: 2-3. (It’s interesting to me that the entire 38th Psalm describes exactly what I was going through.)

I ignored and medicated the panic until after two years, it finally ebbed away. And then my life was back the way I wanted it. In 2006, I started going to an affirming church, and Kay became a man. I had everything, and could do anything I wanted without guilt. It was like, when I refused to hear what God was trying to say to me, God just let me go. Then towards the end of the year, my life began to crumble, slipping through my fingers like so much sand. God took it from me. Instead of working on my heart to change my life, God began to work on my life to change my heart. 

Around Christmas time, after I had been living at my parent’s house for awhile, I went to go visit Kay’s mom. When I sat down at her table there were tears in her eyes. She said that she couldn’t hold it in any longer, and we began to talk about Kay and I in light of the Bible. I could see how much she loved me, and her sincere concern. I wanted to comfort her, so I began to explain myself at length. I felt that she just didn’t understand.

After a while, she stopped me and asked me a very interesting question, “you don’t have to answer me,” she said, “this is simply between you and God. At the last judgment, when we all must personally give an account to Jesus Christ, what will you say to Him when asks you what you have done with His word?” 

I was cut to the heart, though I didn’t say anything. I was right exactly in the same place that I was on the day I first heard Romans 1. Instantly, I saw myself in my mind’s eye beginning to give a long rationalization to the King of Kings as to why those verses didn’t apply to me.

Woe to those who seek deep to hide their counsel far from the LORD, And their works are in the dark; They say, “Who sees us?” and, “Who knows us?” Surely you have things turned around! Shall the potter be esteemed as the clay; For shall the thing made say of him who made it, “ He did not make me”? Or shall the thing formed say of him who formed it, “ He has no understanding”? Isaiah 29:15

“He who rejects Me, and does not receive My words, has that which judges him—the word that I have spoken will judge him in the last day.” John 12:48, because I had rejected His word, outer darkness, weeping, and gnashing of teeth awaited me on that last day, and I knew it. I also knew that this was my last chance. I may not ever get another chance to respond to God’s call. She gave me a Christian book to read, and I spent the next six hours in my car under a street lamp, reading the book and my Bible, and crying out to God. 

“Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11. When I called Kay on the phone, and said I would never be coming home again, it was one of the hardest and most painful things I’ve ever done. But alongside me was Jesus Christ, and in me was “peace that passes understanding.” When Jesus tells us to take up our cross and follow Him, He means to take up the sentence of death in ourselves and DIE TO SIN. Deny yourself of your very nature. 

“If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you to that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.” Matthew 5:29 Leaving Kay and completely turning from my own sexuality was like digging my own eye out of its socket. Until now I had found no place for repentance.

“For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” Matthew 16:25 

For the first time in three years, I had that peace that I had read about, but had never known. For the first time in my life, I’m not “going through” anything. I’m not taking Zoloft, I don’t have panic attacks, and I know that Jesus Christ lives in me and is perfecting me day by day. And the promises God are right in my hands, touchable, knowable, active and real. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” Galatians 2:20. I am free! I did not believe that that God could change a person’s sexuality or desires, or one’s inner identity, but now I am living proof.

There is only one thing that tortures me inside still. God has turned my attention to see you standing before Jesus Christ on the Last Day, being cast away to the place that I was going to go, into an eternity of burning, darkness and weeping, separated from God forever. Every day I fear for you. I plead for your life before God. If I love you, I cannot sit idly by, knowing these things, and saying nothing.

“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.” 1 Corinthians 6:9-10.

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:1-2

“Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18 

“If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are.” 1 Corinthians 3:17. “Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance? But in accordance with your hardness and your impenitent heart you are treasuring up for yourself wrath in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God, who “will render to each one according to his deeds”” Romans 2:4-6 

I know that you know these things, friend. I know that you have heard them before. Just as I am, you will be held accountable for what you have known of God’s Word, and I pray to God that you submit to Him today, because there may never be another chance between you and eternity. Is it worth it to go on with even the slightest possibility that you may face hell on the other side of your last breath? Please let me know what you think of all this. But please don’t ignore it. You must make a decision. 

You have been a wonderful friend to me, and I want you to live in the eternal joy that awaits those who take the narrow road in Christ. Please read this letter over again, think about it carefully, ask God to search you and know your heart, to see if there be in the wicked way in you that must be forsaken. I could be totally wrong, so give yourself a moment to consider. Present yourself to God, as belonging to Him, and He will never lead you the wrong way.

If you have any questions that you want me to answer, or if there’s anything you want talk about, I’d be happy to do that. I’ll be checking to see if you reply. You’re welcome to share this letter with whoever you wish.

Sincerely, Stacy

An interesting experience of one man, who distinctly heard the Holy Spirit call him out of homosexuality.

Local Pastor Calls For Death of ‘Queers & Homosexuals’ (by catawbavalleynoh8)

How can Christians spew such hate? How can Christians be so bigoted and stupid? How can Christians, supposedly understanding the inherent nature of their own inescapable sinfulness, still rally against homosexuals as if they are in a league of their own?

And what he says not only defies Christian logic, but also logic in general. Gays don’t breed and never have, yet they continue to exist…Breeding them out won’t get rid of them outside of your electrified fence. 

Let’s pray guys, for open eyes and ears- to hear the Spirit talk to us, and continue to deal in love with all, even those who hate needlessly.

I’m meeting up, on Tuesday, with somebody that was once a potential hookup/relationship. I had started talking to him on the tail end of that disobedient and shameful period of my life. He was the first guy who I honestly thought there was the potential for me to like, more than just a sexual object. That’s not to say that I wanted a relationship with him; I think deep inside I didn’t want to cross that boundary of liking a guy in more than a sexual manner. 

We never did meet up; I told him the truth of where I was at, for some reason. He expressed a desire to know God in a greater way, having grown up Catholic himself. He wanted to meet up, but I had to keep telling him, “no”. What good would meeting up at such a vulnerable period, for sexual temptation, do for me? How would it help him? How would I witness Christ. So I put it off for a long time. 

Last week, at the train station, I noticed him standing nearby. We exchanged meaningful eye contact, but I wasn’t sure it was him having never met in person. He thought, “I was about to jump his bones.” Obviously something got lost in translation there. 

Anyways, we had kept in contact via email, mainly me just encouraging him. After this brief meeting I thought, well, here I am, I should finally meet up with him. So we’ve arranged to meet on Tuesday in a local cafe. 

Just pray for me that it heads in the right direction, that I am receptive the Holy Spirit within, that I stay with the right motivations. It’s not that I think I am going to hook up, I just want to always be above reproach. So I’ve told a few friends what’s up. 

I’m not doing this for me. I am scared he’ll out me although he’s not out. We have some distant church connections and a couple of friends in common on facebook! I have to keep reminding myself to give up my life for the sake of advancing the kingdom - if that eventuates in shame, well, so be it. 

So, keep me in your prayers. Also, what do you think about this? Wise or foolish?